Yes, this is where God has called me for a season and I love, love, love my job, but at the same time I am faced with intense spiritual attacks. I know it comes with the territory, so I am not surprised when these attacks come. The past few weeks have been such times of intense attack in my life.
It's during these times of struggle that I am forced to rely on Christ. Yet, even as I'm trying to communicate these feelings to you I feel like there is a mental block keeping me from communicating well and effectively.
I sense that a lot: the feeling that I cannot communicate well with my friends and family. Many times I want to share something over this blog, but I cannot figure out how to say it. Many times I want to write an e-mail and I cannot find the words to express my thoughts correctly. Please pray for clarity of mind and heart. Most days my mind and heart feel like they are in chaos.
So, I apologize if this post is all over the place! :) Let me just share some of my recent observances and thoughts.
In high school and college I learned about the five pillars of Islam, one of which was Ramadan, the month in which Muslims fast from dawn until dusk. But, I never thought I would live in a Muslim country and experience it first hand. Since Indonesia is the most populous Muslim country in the world, you better believe that almost this entire nation is fasting during the day. It effects everything!
Simple things: restaurants close early so that people can go home and break their fasts, movie theaters don't show movies in the late afternoon, restaurants cover their windows so that the Muslims won't be tempted when they see others eating during the day, my driver gets kind of cranky on the drive home because he's so hungry, on the drive home from school there are vendors walking from car to car selling bottled water so that people can begin to break their fast, and the list could go on.
At the end of Ramadan the Muslims celebrate their victory of fasting in a holiday called Idil Fitri. Our school will be on holiday because the building will be closed. It's like Christmas around here! Everything is decorated for the holiday in which the Muslims will celebrate the end of their fasting. I see the evidence of the upcoming celebration everywhere!
But I can't get it out of my mind that what these people are celebrating is so empty. And yes most Americans have turned Christmas into a materialistic holiday, but it's still the celebration of the birth of a Saviour. It's a celebration of grace and not man's efforts.
The last thing I want to share with you should probably be at the top of this post. Last night I finished reading one of the best books I've read in a long time, The Heavenly Man. If you haven't read this book I strongly encourage you to pick up a copy and read about the life and trials of Chinese Christian Brother Yun. This man is less than 50 years old and has experienced more torture and struggle than most of us could ever imagine in 1,000 years. But through it all he loves Jesus and lives for him. He is imprisoned many times and each time God uses him to further His kingdom in the prisons. What an incredible story of God's love, goodness and faithfulness through trials. It's also an incredible story of how one available man can be used by God to change his nation. I so long to have the surrendered life like Brother Yun.
Today Brother Yun is helping to run the Back to Jerusalem movement, which takes the Gospel into Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu countries between China and Jerusalem.
The book was especially encouraging to me because so many stories like this are about people that lived a long time ago. But this man was escaping China the same time that I was there! Isn't that amazing? These events took place while I was in highschool or college, not too long ago. God still moves like this TODAY, not 100 years ago. Many times Brother Yun would name a date and I could remember exactly what I was doing that month or even on that specific date. It reminded me to continue to pray for the persecuted church, but also it reminded me of how much I love being part of the persecuted. There is no room for passivity. When you're being persecuted for your faith there is no time to sit around and play games and you have to be willing to give everything for Christ. Toward the end of the book Brother Yun talks about trials and how they are a gift from the Lord. I hope to have this
So, during this time of trials in my life I try to remember that God has a purpose for them. He is refining me and making me more like Him. It's is way of loving me and causing me to rely on Him for everything. Being disobedient is not an option because it means death. Obedience is the only way and it brings such life!
Thank you for letting me pour out my thoughts ...
Grace & Peace, Laura
