Asia and Chocolate

weigh in

So, I went to the nutritionist on Tuesday, consulted with my "life coach" as she calls herself and got on the plan. Basically I'm eating balanced meals and snacks throughout the day along with some vitamins. There's really no magic or trick to it. I've done this before. The difference, this time, is that I'm accountable to someone I don't know very well. THAT makes all the difference in the world. Any other time, when I was hungry late at night, I would have had a small snack or I would have cut corners somehow. But knowing that someone is going to be checking and weighing me in - I'm not going to cheat.

I did the plan on Wednesday and Thursday and went in this morning for my weigh in and for her to check my food journal. I had lost 4 pounds in two days - mostly water weight I imagine. So far it's very exciting and I feel better! Tonight was hard since I went to a birthday party and I couldn't have hardly anything there. But I know that good food decisions are a new part of my life. I won't feel deprived forever, I hope. I wasn't about to eat birthday cake knowing that I would have to weigh in again on Monday. Yes, I will be checking in 2-3 times per week = LOTS of accountability.

Total weight loss so far = 4 lbs.
Total weight loss to go = 28 lbs.

Join me on my journey to a healthier me!

Pass the ice cream, please ...

Admit it, we all have issues – deep rooted, all-night crying induced, no-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel issues. Some are worse than others, but I think we can all agree that we could all use a little (or a lot of therapy). I’ve believed this wholeheartedly and have encouraged many friends to get counseling, but have never taken my own advice.

Until now.

This afternoon I will leave work early and go see a nutritionist. Not just any nutritionist, but someone I believe will help me get to the root of my food issues. You see, food is more than a source of energy for me. It is a friend, a comfort, a wall to hide behind. My relationship with food is unhealthy and has been for as long as I can remember.

I have read books, dieted, tried to beat myself into submission, but none have worked to change the core of me. I believe that the only thing or person who ultimately can change the core of me is Jesus, but I know he uses others to do his work in my life. And so I’m going to see my nutritionist (or what I like to call my food therapist) tonight and I couldn’t be more excited. I don’t think she’s going to snap her fingers and make me better, but I do think she will hold me accountable in a way I’ve never experienced before. She will test my body and see exactly what MY body needs, not give me some blanket diet for all mankind. And she will provide encouragement to keep going. I don't want to walk in with too many expectations, but I am excited to see how my life changes from this relationship.

How do you deal with your issues?

exactly

I remember after living in a communist country for 10 months and not being able to say the name Jesus outside of my house for that time, being asked "would you rather be the church in America or over there in the persecuted church?" I immediately said, "persecuted church."

Why? Because there you KNOW God because He is all. you. have. All. You. Have. ALL. YOU. HAVE. Nothing else. The awareness of your frailty and out-of-controlness as a human is always before your face and the fact that you depend on God is constant. I love it.

Exactly, Anne.

Retreating ...

It's so good to get away sometimes and be still, be fed and just rest. The speaker is talking about right where I am in life and it's so super cool. I just love what she's teaching. For example, she's talking about living a clean life and when we live a clean life there is power there. It's what I've been learning about for the past two years. And I see so many some here who are living in bondage and I just long for freedom for them. That's my prayer this weekend, that people will be set free and be filled with the Holy Spirit and have power in their life.

To be enjoyed ...

Yet another post about eating and self control ... yay! :)

encouragment and insight ...

I've borrowed this excerpt from Priscilla Shirer's Web site in the Q&A section. I'm so glad people are speaking about this addiction ...

Q: Priscilla, I am addicted to food. You’ve mentioned your struggle with weight.  How do I let the Holy Spirit control my eating?

A: Our culture teaches that overindulgence in everything is the best way to live.  This is revealed in the way Americans consume food.  It is very easy for me to over eat because eating it is just a hobby for me!  Who doesn’t love good food?  I sure do.  Because of this, my weight always went up and down 20 lbs.  I remember some time ago talking to the Lord specifically about this situation and telling him that I wanted to experience freedom in this area.  I didn’t want to be bound by food.  I wanted to enjoy it as it was meant to be enjoyed, but at that time, I wasn’t able to.  I was always worried about everything that I put in my mouth.  I was worried about my weight.  Even though it tasted good, I never got to fully enjoy anything without feeling guilty.  I wanted to find balance and freedom, because I knew that this was not what the Lord wanted.

He directed me to Galatians 5 that outlines the fruit of the Spirit.  One of them is--self control.  He told me that I was to allow His Spirit to exercise His control through me.  If I would cooperate with this, then I would never again struggle with my weight.  That was about 5 years ago, and I do not struggle with my weight now; I enjoy every bite of food that I eat.  It is a wonderful feeling.

This is what I do: before meals, I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to let me know when I am satisfied.  Normally about half way through the meal I feel “satisfied.”  I can tell that if I eat past that point, I will just be taking in more than I need.  It’s just this “inner knowing.” You probably know this feeling.  It normally comes FAR before you finish everything that is on your plate.  When I obey the Holy Spirit’s leading and stop eating at that point, I can enjoy every morsel and enjoy a waist-line that doesn’t continually expand. This means that I can eat whatever I want.  I just don’t eat as much of it as I might want.  Not only does this give me the pleasure of fitting into the clothes that are in my closet, but also it allows me to enjoy more meals.  Have you ever noticed that when you overeat at one meal, you do not really get to enjoy the next one.  You are too full to really take part in it.  So really, when we overeat we are denying ourselves the full joy of every meal.  When we cooperate with the Holy Spirit, we get to experience freedom in many areas that we didn’t before.

I never diet. I think that “diet” is a curse word!  I just eat what I like . . .most often just half of it. (I also try to make sure there is something green on my plate.)

Now, please know, I am not perfect at this, but I sure love the wonderful feeling of victory that comes to me when I obey--spiritual speaking and practically speaking.

I have done a little research and have found a great book that deals with this topic, and it will help you as you find freedom in this area of your life.  Praying God’s Word by Beth Moore. Get it and turn to chapter 8 right away.  You will be blessed by the tools that she will give you to arm yourself to fight against the stronghold of food addiction in your life.

Be Encouraged my friend. God sees your heart and is ready to do HUGE miraculous things with you in this area.  He is just waiting for you to join Him. I hope that this helps you a little bit.  Don’t wait until tomorrow to start listening to the Spirit. Start today. You will be so glad you did.

Going Deeper

Amazing!

I just got back from a day and a half of some of the best teaching I've ever had the privilege of sitting under.

Deeper Still Conference with:

Priscilla Shirer

Beth Moore

Kay Arthur

It was absolutely incredible. And the WORSHIP, lead by  Travis Cottrell, was honestly the best worship experience I've ever known in this country ... I wept every time we sang. And there is nothing like hearing 25,000 women sing acapella worshipping their God.

Some nuggets I personally took away from the weekend.

From Priscilla's talk on God's Anointing (I Chronicles 14:2-11):

• When I feel ill-equipped, I must remember Whose I am and that God's call is more than what I can do on my own. And it's ultimately that way for His glory.
• Even after David was anointed he went back to his "menial" job ... and during those years he learned everything he would need for the future.
• I have an enemy. When the enemy finds out that I'm anointed, he will come out against me in full force.
• The anointing guarantees access to God.
• Prayer is the most potent weapon we have.
• When we pray, God in his humanity can sympathize, and yet in His diety can do something about it. At best, our girlfriends maybe can sympathize.
• God is the God of BREAKTHROUGH - and my next breakthrough will come in the are of food addiction/self-control.
• David always inquired of God before dealing with the enemy, even if the answer seemed obvious.

From Beth's talk "How do we cooperate with God to get to glorious transformation?" (II Samuel 6-7):

• David thinks he's going to build a house for God, but God says he will build David a house. When we think we've done something for God, He will come back and do something amazing. He gets ALL the glory.
  • I Peter 2:4-5 - WE are the spiritual house, living stones
• God wants to do something in my life that makes Him show up.
• His calling will require more than I can ever do. All the time. I'm not looking for a tweak, but a transformation.
• When you pray the Word over people, you transfer the burden to the Word. The Word even transfers over spiritual seed (since the New Testament).
• We have to move past our personal devastation with God.
• The greatest calling of my life will be on the other side of the pain. If I let the enemy hold me in that place, I'm stuck for life.
• We've got to return to whole-hearted obedience.
• If I'm not with Christ, the enemy is ready to take my passion away for his purpose. I was made for holy passion.

Kay's talk on Crossroads (II Samuel 11-12):

• Sin is never done undercover.
• Sin will cause the enemies of God to blaspheme Him. And God is so holy that He will not try to defend Himself by covering your sin. The greater a leader that falls, the more publicity his sin will receive.
• The grace of God is favor, power and previous.
• If you're breathing, it's not over for you. Grace is still available.
• Stop moaning about your past and God will use it.
• God's grace is David's life was that even after his many sins, God allowed Solomon to build the house that David longed to build for the Ark of the Covenant. This was the son born from David and Bathsheba. THAT is grace.

There was so much more than what I can begin to fill on this page. I had really no idea what I was getting into when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to this event. I just said yes and decided to go even though I didn't feel well and would rather have stayed at home and rested. But I'm so thankful that I went and relished in the fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit, the revelation of the Holy Scriptures and and the testimony of God's goodness, faithfulness and grace in the lives of three women who are going deeper still.

(Picture: Mandisa from American Idol helped lead worship this morning ... great testimony of faith!)

Do not be conformed ...

Some synonyms of the word "deserve" include: earn, warrant, rate, justify, be worthy of, be entitled to, have a right to, be qualified for.

I find in my life that if I look closely and live slowly I find that many times I act on a feeling of entitlement. I desevre to eat ice cream because I've had a hard day at work, or I woke up early this morning.

I deserve an iPhone because I spent two years serving Jesus.

Typing it out here makes it look especially foolish, but nonetheless Jesus is working to strip out the "I deserve" in me and replace it with more obedient and God-honoring thoughts, which will lead to more obedient and God-honoring actions. I suppose that's what happens when we do what Romans 12:1-2 suggests.

Either way, I might talk a lot about wanting an iPhone. And I will probably get one someday, but I'm not going to compulsively buy one out of an "I deserve one" attitude. I'll save my money and wait until it's the right time and my other phone dies or something along those lines.

Being transformed ...

Testimony.

I want to share something that is somewhat culturally taboo in this culture (regarding finances), but nonetheless illustrates the grace, goodness and favor of God.

Take a look at some of the prayer requests I had coming home:

1. Find a job, but even moreso that the perfect job would fall in my lap. God doesn't always work this way, but I prayed it and waited.
2. One of the main, yet one of many deciding factors in coming home this year was to use my salary for the next few years to pay off my debts. I totally believe that God doesn't want us to have debt and I jumped on the Dave Ramsey train.
3. I would be able to be debt free in two years or less.

I had NO idea how this would all be done and I knew to a human it might seem like a huge task (knowing how much debt I had and how much I made when I left for Jakarta two years ago). But I truly did not worry about getting the right job or how it would all work out, I just trusted.

Well, let me just say that God has knocked my socks off. I am now working at the job I wanted, with people I know and enjoy working with, making  salary I didn't think was possible, and to top it off, if I stay on the budget as I am determined to do, I will be debt free in less than two years!!!!!!

How amazing is that? I cannot stop smiling.

And one of the coolest parts of it all, to me, is that they gave me an offer a few weeks ago. I counter offered and they accepted my offer. This may not seem like a big deal, but it took a lot of boldness in me to sell myself at a higher price than what they were offering. It was such a step of faith for me and it showed me how much God had taught me about boldness and faith during these past two years. I am not who I was before I left in 2005, and I just love how God works.

Thank you Jesus for your perfect and bountiful gifts.

the skinny ...

I told you I was [slowly] reading this book. Some more thoughts ...

My entire life has been plagued with thoughts about my weight, what size I wear, how tight my pants are, or my shirt is, or how I've grown, or shrunk, or gotten skinny, or gained weight. My whole life.

To say that I have some type of eating disorder is the understatement of the year. Food is my best friend, it's my comfort and my joy, my stress-reliever, my anxiety medicine, my goal, my portion. (It's hard for me to be this revealing and honest here, but I am determined.) It is my idol and my god. It's THE thing that comes between me and the MOST HIGH GOD.

I've dieted and not dieted. I've worked out and not worked out. I rather enjoy being active, actually, and thrive on going to the gym. But it never seems to make much of a difference in my weight.

I've tried to lose weight for appearance's sake, for my health, for a boy, for my mother, and for any other reason you might think of, but obviously those reasons are not the answer. They've never worked for me.

Last night I got to page 83 where the author says, quite frankly:

I believe that God's method for your sanctification (change) is summed up in these four basic steps:
1. Become convinced that your present method of eating is sinful and cease from it;
2. Become convinced that God's methods for disciplined eating are right and begin practicing them;
3. Seek diligently to change your mind and become conformed to God's thinking, especially in the are of your eating habits;
4. Continue to practice these new thoughts and behaviors even when the struggle gets hard.

Wow, what an epiphany. It's like any other sin, and needs to be treated as such. For so long I have believed that my eating habits were outside of God's realm of care or concern. Why would He care if I ate a bowl of ice cream to relieve the stress from my hard day at work? Why would He care if I ate a chocolate bar because I've been going through an emotionally hard time and I 'deserve' it. These are lies that I have been believing for my entire life.

It's the same as lying or stealing or cheating. I don't do those things because I know they are wrong. I might think they would make my life easier, but I do what's right because God has told me that it's right. But I've never thought of food this way.

And it finally made sense to me why diets don't work. Working out for the purpose of being skinny to bring attention to myself doesn't work. When I'm going back and forth between a craving for a greasy hamburger or the desire to be thin, both of those are my fleshly desires. And it doesn't take long before my undisciplined flesh gives in to the more pleasureful desire. But when my craving for a greasy hamburger is pitted again the Word of God and His might power, there is only one winner. And I know that God will change the way I think and will begin to conform me in this area of my life.